I wanna talk a little more about shame. I had a really hard time defining where my part ended and others began which led me to take on full responsibility for situations. If something went ''wrong'' or did not turn out in a positive way I would feel so ashamed like it was all my fault.
If someone didnt like me I always blamed myself for being too much, too emotional, too loud, too dramatic. Etc...
I made the other persons reaction, words and behavour about me and I couldnt see that it had to do with them aswell. In fact it had more to do with them than me.
''If I was just different, If I was more calm, if I just wasnt so DAMN HARD TO HANLDE it would be different...''
This is not true. But I sometimes still struggle with feeling ashamed and responsible for the way things turn out with people, or how they treated me. If they treated me bad I took the blame for it, I almost thought that I deserved it.
If you tend to take a lot of things personal try to see what is yours and what is theirs. Be able to look at your part but let them take responsibility for theirs. The shame is not yours to carry alone. When we do this we let people project all their shit onto us and we believe them when they tell us Its all our fault. Try to see in what way this person could have a reason for his/her reaction that does not involve you. How other people treat you is theirs, how you react is yours. 90% is pure projection and has nothing to do with you.