My year of music on spotify

This was really fun to see, but 1085 songs isnt that much? Then I remembered that I love to listen over and over to the same songs until I hate them... plus I only had like 3 lists on offline mode. 
I skipped 2137 songs. Life with ADHD!
The Rolling Stones where my favorite band which is true, love them! so many good songs.
Other than that Latin music has my heart <3 
I loved despacito before it made my ears bleed. I listened to it for months every morning on my way to work in Spain haha.
 
 

Here's what I've learned about mental breakdowns

I have had so many that they barely shake me anymore! I have literally been an emotional wreck on the floor more times than I can count, especially during my anxiety period. Breakdowns over fear, breakdowns over my depression, over love, over criticising myself too hard and over loneliness. 
 
Man, I felt sorry for myself. Every time I thought:
- Okey, NOW It can't get any worse! As I sobbed hysterically.
We have all been there right? (please tell me Im not alone haha). So why doesn't it bother me anymore? Did I in fact gain something from it?
Indeed. I got clarity, I got a higher awareness, I got a broader perspective and it brought me closer to my heart. Often what we think is a punishment is the exact oposite, Its a blessing. Because what exists in the other end of a breakdown? Relief and authenticity.
Its like a damn cleanse! Never have I ever felt so pure as I do after a breakdown.
I don't call them breakdowns anymore I call them spiritual awakenings. Honestly, Isnt it more of a breakthrough than a breakdown?
''Im falling apart and it feels fantastic!'' 
Thats my new motto when it happens. 
To illustrate my point, I used to feel like this: 
 Now its more this:
Got it?
 
 

Where does anxiety come from?

There's not really one quick answer to this question, but if I had to give one based on my own experience and working with others it would be;
 
- Anxiety comes from sacrificing your authenticity for acceptance and approval from other people. 
 
And we do this in different ways. We do it by creating a perfect facade that we not only show off on social media but also try to live by in real life. We do it by not setting any boundaries towards other people cause we are afraid we will loose them if we do. We do it by negotiating our value with others and put it in their hands. ''If they think, say or treat me like im not good enough then that must be true!''
 
All of this and more creates an inner conflict that eventually turns into stress, anxiety and in some cases panic attacks. Being authentic means being real, vulnerable and honest about who you are. It means being imperfect and own it. To me that is living your life wholeheartedly. When we are too scared to do this we instead numb ourselves with food, sex, alcohol, work, or something else to keep us from feeling. 
Problem is that all feelings wants to be felt. Anxiety is fear, fear is energy and energy cant be destroyed only transformed into another form. So ignoring or numbing your anxiety wont help. It will keep showing up until you accept it completely, and the only way to do that is to completely accept yourself.