The way back to myself

Truth to be told I often feel lost. Who am I? What the hell am I doing with my life? What do I want? 
Just writing this is very vulnerable to me becasue most people wouldnt admit that they feel this way. But see im trying this new thing to be brave for real cause im tired of being afraid. 
I reflect on these questions a lot, I go over it in my mind and I try to come up with the most accurate answer. Even when I have found something that makes sense to me in a logic way it still wasnt the answer I was looking for. Why?
Cause truth needs to be felt. Tony Robbins says that, ''the mind over analyze and the heart has the answer.'' 
Your feelings will tell you more about who you are than your mind ever could. 
 
I have come to learn that if you feel lost, the way back to yourself is anything you can do, say and think that feels authentic to you. And Its the curage to be HONEST about all of it. 
 
Believe me that's not easy, its scary and I struggle with this. If you put your true feelings, values and opinions out there you risk being judged and you risk rejection. (But only from the wrong people.) 
Fitting in is NOT belonging. 
 
So everything that isnt you has to go. No more adapting. No more people pleasing, no more being quite when you dont agree, no more not standing up for yourself when someone treats you wrong, no more pretending. And most importantly: communicate! communicate you thoughts, feelings, and needs to other people. Cause not only will you be true to them, but you will be true to yourself. Honesty = authenticity.
Find the curage to be yourself and you will never be lost again. 
 
 
 

Here's what I've learned about mental breakdowns

I have had so many that they barely shake me anymore! I have literally been an emotional wreck on the floor more times than I can count, especially during my anxiety period. Breakdowns over fear, breakdowns over my depression, over love, over criticising myself too hard and over loneliness. 
 
Man, I felt sorry for myself. Every time I thought:
- Okey, NOW It can't get any worse! As I sobbed hysterically.
We have all been there right? (please tell me Im not alone haha). So why doesn't it bother me anymore? Did I in fact gain something from it?
Indeed. I got clarity, I got a higher awareness, I got a broader perspective and it brought me closer to my heart. Often what we think is a punishment is the exact oposite, Its a blessing. Because what exists in the other end of a breakdown? Relief and authenticity.
Its like a damn cleanse! Never have I ever felt so pure as I do after a breakdown.
I don't call them breakdowns anymore I call them spiritual awakenings. Honestly, Isnt it more of a breakthrough than a breakdown?
''Im falling apart and it feels fantastic!'' 
Thats my new motto when it happens. 
To illustrate my point, I used to feel like this: 
 Now its more this:
Got it?
 
 

Where does anxiety come from?

There's not really one quick answer to this question, but if I had to give one based on my own experience and working with others it would be;
 
- Anxiety comes from sacrificing your authenticity for acceptance and approval from other people. 
 
And we do this in different ways. We do it by creating a perfect facade that we not only show off on social media but also try to live by in real life. We do it by not setting any boundaries towards other people cause we are afraid we will loose them if we do. We do it by negotiating our value with others and put it in their hands. ''If they think, say or treat me like im not good enough then that must be true!''
 
All of this and more creates an inner conflict that eventually turns into stress, anxiety and in some cases panic attacks. Being authentic means being real, vulnerable and honest about who you are. It means being imperfect and own it. To me that is living your life wholeheartedly. When we are too scared to do this we instead numb ourselves with food, sex, alcohol, work, or something else to keep us from feeling. 
Problem is that all feelings wants to be felt. Anxiety is fear, fear is energy and energy cant be destroyed only transformed into another form. So ignoring or numbing your anxiety wont help. It will keep showing up until you accept it completely, and the only way to do that is to completely accept yourself.