Shame

I wanna talk a little more about shame. I had a really hard time defining where my part ended and others began which led me to take on full responsibility for situations. If something went ''wrong'' or did not turn out in a positive way I would feel so ashamed like it was all my fault. 
If someone didnt like me I always blamed myself for being too much, too emotional, too loud, too dramatic. Etc...
I made the other persons reaction, words and behavour about me and I couldnt see that it had to do with them aswell. In fact it had more to do with them than me. 
 
''If I was just different, If I was more calm, if I just wasnt so DAMN HARD TO HANLDE it would be different...''
This is not true. But I sometimes still struggle with feeling ashamed and responsible for the way things turn out with people, or how they treated me. If they treated me bad I took the blame for it, I almost thought that I deserved it. 
 
If you tend to take a lot of things personal try to see what is yours and what is theirs. Be able to look at your part but let them take responsibility for theirs. The shame is not yours to carry alone. When we do this we let people project all their shit onto us and we believe them when they tell us Its all our fault. Try to see in what way this person could have a reason for his/her reaction that does not involve you. How other people treat you is theirs, how you react is yours. 90% is pure projection and has nothing to do with you. 
 
 

Responsibility VS self blame

A lot of people get so triggered when I talk about taking responsibility for your life and your mental health. They refuse to accept that they might have something to do with the fact that they have anxiety or that they are depressed. They think im putting the blame on the ''victim'' (them) when in fact they are the ones victimising themselves.
 
The reason why they are so triggered is because they mix up responsibility with self blame. They think taking responsibility for their life also means taking on the shame for their situation. That's not at all what I am saying.
 
Responsibility is the opposite of victimhood. When you are in that state of victimhood you basically think that you have no control over your life and that everything is just happening to you. Responsibility is not self blame, It's gaining your power back. It's realising that you might have something to do with how your life is turning out and that you are able to do something about it. It's empowerment.
 
A person who is in self blame is actually in a state of victimisation and there is no empowerment in that. Self blame is selfhating, responsibility is selfloving. So when I talk about taking responsibility for your mental health I don't mean blame yourself until you feel worthless! I mean take back the power and own it. Feel like you have a free will to chose and that you don't have to settle for misery cause everything is not just happening to you. 
 
After all, you run your life 24/7, no one else.
 
 
 
 

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