I have been thinking a lot lately about life and death.
Im 26 years old now and I still have no idea of what Im doing with my life or what I want...
Or well, I kind of know what I want but its not really a clear goal or vision. My problem is almost that I want so many different things that I can't choose one!
And in the meantime people around me are giving me shit for my life choices. Telling me I wasted 3 years liviing in Spain. Telling me I need to get a ''real job'' and settle down. That I can't keep on travelling forever. That im a dissapointment, a failure.
Cause im not living up to their expectations.
But im not living for them im living for me.
People will always have opinions on your choices, dreams, actions and so on. It's easy to sit there and preach to someone else on how they should live life. It's easy to judge. But YOU are the one that has to wake up every morning and live with your descisions, not them. Their life goes on like nothing happened and they will not have to live with the consequences.
I feel like I have somehow managed to live life on my terms even tho most people would look at me and say I have achieved nothing as I don't have a career and I dont really own anything of value like for example an apartement or something else to fall back on.
But no one can take away my memories, my experiences or my growth. I see it all as an investment in my own self-awareness.
But at the same time I can't help but thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me for not wanting these normal stable things? Why am I always so restless? Why can't I have a normal 8-5 job and just be satisfied?
It's like im always waiting for something, but what? What am I even looking for?
I thougt by this time I would have it all figured out, know what I want and maybe even have a family. All that just feels sooo far away and Im not ready. I swear to god sometimes I dont even feel like a grownup!
And then I look at all these people that have their shit together on the outside and I wonder...
Are they happy? Or are they also just secretly waiting for their life to start?